The Worst Massages I’ve Ever Had Were My Own Fault
Originally published 11/26/2013
Of the many massages I’ve had in my lifetime, I can think of two which stand out as the most disappointing. Now, given the number of massages I’ve had in total (and no, I don’t have an actual count, but it’s a lot), I can say that two bad ones, relatively speaking, is pretty inconsequential. And on a “bad” scale of 1-10, they weren't really even terrible; just…lacking. You get so jazzed at the idea of going and having a massage, you look forward to it from the moment you confirm the appointment date and time, and then you get off the table when it’s over, and think, “Meh. That was a bummer.” But despite that small number, even now, years later, I can still remember them as being standouts. And, as I never saw either of those massage therapists again, being a standout on the negative side is not a good thing.
But as I said, those negative experiences were my fault. And here’s why:
As a massage therapist, I’ve stressed the importance of communication with my clients while they are on the table. When I bring them into my treatment room, I explain how the flow of the massage will go, I tell them that I will check in with them once or twice regarding my pressure level and if they are warm and comfortable, and if they have any questions for me at any time they are welcome to ask. I emphasize that this is their time on the table, and that we both want to be sure they get the most out of it, be it the need to change the music, the addition or removal of a bolster or blanket, or a change in pressure. I make sure they know that at any time they can ask for what they need.
And that’s exactly what I didn’t do for myself.
One massage was too light. I remember being on the table and looking forward to having some painful knots worked out of my back, needing that pressure that can only be truly relaxing when someone else delivers it. Plenty of my friends have seen me back up into a door frame or lean against a wall with a tennis ball strategically placed behind me, in an effort to work some tension out of a tight muscle, but while that can be moderately effective, it’s just not the same when you have to do the work at getting to the knot. It’s far better to be fully relaxed and have someone else’s experienced hands work the tension out for you. In the case of my too-light massage, I am not kidding when I say I could barely feel my therapist’s hands. I could feel her moving her thumbs into places on my back which were tender, but then rather than actually applying pressure, she lingered for about the length of time it takes to fasten a shirt button (and with about as much pressure), and then moved on. There were moments when I actually wanted to push back against her thumbs, thinking, “Oh, that’s exactly the right spot…now, if only you would just…get it…”
But the difference between thinking this, and actually saying it, was what turned a potentially satisfying massage into a disappointment. I remember thinking she knew exactly where to find my pain, but she just didn’t do anything with that knowledge once she got there. Saying something in that moment could easily have remedied this situation, and my pain.
The other standout was a massage that used too much pressure. Since I like firm pressure in a massage, I never thought that too much pressure could be possible, and as my therapist said she specialized in deep tissue massage, I was looking forward to what she could do to help me. But this was the most pressure I have ever felt from any therapist, male or female, ever. I stopped breathing. I couldn’t speak. I thought she might actually crack my ribs.
Not speaking up about this was, for many reasons, not good. Dangerous, in fact. Maybe I was waiting to see if she would check in with me about her pressure level. Perhaps I was thinking she would ask me questions about the knots she found and use the feedback to apply a specific therapeutic technique. But the massage continued in silence, and in the end, I should have been the one to break that silence in order to get what I needed from that time on the table.
This is not to say that these therapists didn’t bear a certain amount of responsibility. But my job as a client was not to assume that they would know exactly what I needed, where I needed it, and what felt okay, too much, or not enough. After all, these therapists aren’t mind readers. Giving them a little bit of feedback would have allowed us both to relax more into the session, having established goals and expectations. Having been on both the giving and receiving ends, I’m familiar with the concern that too much conversation will ruin the massage…but over the years, I’ve figured out that chatter will flow when it needs to, and wind down naturally, like music, in tune with the treatment.
Don’t be afraid to tell your massage therapist what you need. What feels good and what doesn’t. Where you’d like a little more work, and whether or not their pressure feels good. In the end, it may still be that their touch is not what works for you, period. That’s fine. Everyone is different, and sometimes you need to try out different therapists until you find one who works out perfectly. But you may be pleasantly surprised at what a little bit of feedback in the moment can do to improve your overall experience.
